Safety
Your sobriety comes first. Then everything else.
Dating is vulnerable for everyone. In recovery it can touch the parts of you that are still healing. We designed SoberHearted around that fact instead of pretending it isn’t true.
What’s built in
- Blurred until you both say yes. Your photos are blurred to everyone until you match, unless you choose otherwise in settings. The blurred version is a different image made on our servers; it can’t be “un-blurred”.
- Newcomer Shield. If you tell us you’re under a year sober, only verified members with no open reports can see or like you. It’s on by default and yours to turn off.
- Human verification. The Verified badge means a person on our team compared a live selfie to the profile photos. No face-scanning software, no third party.
- Reports read by people, within 24 hours. Two independent reports hide a profile automatically until someone reviews it. Banned members can’t re-register with the same email.
- Blocking is silent and total. Block someone and neither of you will see the other anywhere on the site, ever. They aren’t told.
- Gentle nudges in chat. If a message contains a link, a phone number, or anything about money, we pause and ask if you’re sure before it sends. Nobody can disable this.
- No location tracking. We store the center point of your ZIP code, never GPS. Photos have their location data stripped on upload.
- A small daily set, not a feed. Up to eight people a day, each with a reason. No infinite scroll, no streaks, nothing engineered to keep you up at night.
Thirteenth-stepping, named plainly
In recovery communities, “13th-stepping” means someone with time pursuing someone who is new, when the newcomer is at their most raw. It is a known pattern and we treat it as a safety issue, not a dating preference. If a member targets newcomers, uses recovery language to pressure anyone, or shows up at meetings a match attends uninvited, report it. We act on it.
Before you meet
- Keep the conversation on SoberHearted until you’re comfortable. Someone who pushes to move off-platform fast is a flag.
- Suggest a coffee, a walk, a meeting you both already go to. You never have to defend a sober first date here; everybody is sober.
- Tell a friend or your sponsor where you’ll be and when you expect to be back.
- Get yourself there and home. Keep your own exit.
- Video-chat first if you’d like to. It’s normal here.
Money, always
Nobody who genuinely likes you will ask you for money, gift cards, crypto, or “a small loan until Friday”. However good the story, it is a scam. SoberHearted never charges members through chat and never asks for payment details by message.
If someone is using
If a member appears to be actively drinking or using, or is selling, report it with the “Appears to be using or selling” reason. You are not responsible for their recovery. Protecting your own is the right call.
If something has already happened
- Immediate danger: call 911.
- Need to talk to someone right now: call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, free, 24/7).
- Sexual assault: RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-4673, or online.rainn.org.
- Domestic violence: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
- Substance use support: SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential.
Then, when you’re ready, tell us. Use the report button on any profile or conversation, or write to safety@soberhearted.com. A person reads it.
See also: Community Guidelines · Privacy · Terms